The Palm Beach Story

Today I saw a movie called The Palm Beach Story. My favorite parts of this movie were the Wienie King and the formation of that posse.

It Would Be Great

Today I read a book called It Would Be Great. It was one of those motivational books that reassures you that you still have hands.

Squat Brick

Today I saw a movie called Squat Brick. It was about needing to take a load off now and again.

Half Stache

Today I saw a movie called Half Stache. It was about a man whose face betrayed the conflict within.

Suicide Sneeze

Today I read a book called Suicide Sneeze. It was about a man with too many holes in his body. He made a merry whistling sound when the breeze blew.

Do You Need Help With Those Beans

Today I saw a movie called Do You Need Help With Those Beans. It was a movie about a helpless person who had no respect for sneeze guards.

Your Head Is Going To Be This Bowling Ball

Today I saw a movie called Your Head Is Going To Be This Bowling Ball. It was a spooky movie about puberty and the misuse of Skittles.

Geek Love

Today I read a book called Geek Love. It was about several generations of the Binewski carnival family and it was really good.

Nanook of the North

Today I saw a movie called Nanook of the North. It was a very good and pretty old sort of documentary. My favorite part was watching the igloo be built and especially the window.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Today I saw a movie called Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It was very good. It was about a bunch of dying aliens who liked walking around in orderly lines. My favorite parts were the soundtrack and the telephone cord.

Sssssssssssssssssssss

Today I read a book called Ssssssssssssssssssss. It was a new version of that famous story about the snake that likes using the photocopier.

Two Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Today I saw a movie called Two Oatmeal Raisin Cookies. This was a somewhat undercooked movie so I fast-forwarded through most of it.

Hot Sand Shoes

Today I read a book called Hot Sand Shoes. It was about running fast for good reasons. It was very motivational.

Meshes of the Afternoon

Today I saw a movie called Meshes of the Afternoon. It was very scary. It made me think about moving.

Arkansas

Today I read a book called Arkansas. It was very exciting. It was about two guys who mostly wanted to be left alone, but who were occasionally interrupted by gross-outs.

Jag Shag

Today I read a book called Jag Shag. It was about cozy feet versus crumb trappage.

Keep Right Keep Right Keep Right Keep Right

Today I read a book called Keep Right Keep Right Keep Right Keep Right. It was a book about concern for safety and for local ordinance.

Harried Dump

Today I saw a movie called Harried Dump. It was about a man who was too busy to be pulling on some lever all the time.

Kippers and Bacon and Marmalade

Today I read a book called Kippers and Bacon and Marmalade. It was total filth.

eXistenZ

Today I saw a movie called eXistenZ. It had a very neat bone-gun that shot teeth. My favorite part was when people tried to order the special.

Whose Time, Whose Dime?

Today I saw a movie called Whose Time, Whose Dime? It was a satire, I believe. I kept waiting for it to be over, but it just kept starting right over again from the beginning.

Don't Smirk at the Witness

Today I read a book called Don't Smirk at the Witness. It was a very tedious book. It was about a man who thought he could make whatever facial expressions he wanted.

Motorcycle Formation

Today I read a book called Motorcycle Formation. It was a really quick read. I read it so fast I almost died.

Red Pip on the Floor, Part Two

Today I finally got around to seeing Red Pip on the Floor, Part Two. It was pretty exciting. More exciting than the first one, even.

Marwencol

Today I saw a movie called Marwencol. It was a war movie. My favorite part was when the doll made a doll.

Journey to the Stars

Today I saw a movie called Journey to the Stars. It was bulbous and informative. I learned how much a hippopotamus weighs.

Female Anatomy Without Secrets

Today I read a book called Female Anatomy Without Secrets. It was a disappointing book. I think it was still holding back some secrets.

Red Pip on the Floor, Part One

Today I saw a movie called Red Pip on the Floor, Part One. It was a pretty good movie. I think I'll go see Part Two tomorrow.

The Warren Commission Report

Today I read a book called The Warren Commission Report. My favorite parts were the mystery of the chicken bones and when Ruby "professed ability to handle the physical fights which arose in connection with the clubs" and when he "bought a great quantity of cold cuts."

We Have Shut Off The Boiler For Emergency Repairs

Today I read a book called We Have Shut Off The Boiler For Emergency Repairs. This is a very upsetting book. I hope it has a happy ending.

You Are Being Videotaped Please Do Not Touch Our Plants

Today I read a book called You Are Being Videotaped Please Do Not Touch Our Plants. It was an ominous book. It had lots of foreshadowing.

Big, Nutty and Beautiful

Today I read a book called Big, Nutty and Beautiful. It was a really large book. It was so large that I couldn't finish it all. There was some leftover book.

Fort Apache

Today I saw a movie called Fort Apache. It was about people trying to move horses from one place to another place. My favorite part was the canyon fort.

My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done?

Today I saw a movie called My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done? I won't tell you what he hath done. My favorite parts were the music and the staring.

Charm Bracelet on Woman's Wrist

Today I saw a movie called Charm Bracelet on Woman's Wrist. It was a somewhat frustrating movie. It had no apparent ending and just kept repeating itself over and over.

Wanted Barber With Experience

Today I read a book called Wanted Barber With Experience. It was a short book. It was about a room with too much hair in it.

The Fermata

Today I read a book called The Fermata. It had lots of raunchy sex scenes in it. The raunchiest part was when the narrator ran a needle through his calluses and attached it to the washing machine.

Fire Escape With Several Plants On It

Today I watched a movie called Fire Escape With Several Plants On It. This was a dirty movie. The best part was the beginning.

The Equinox...A Journey into the Supernatural

Today I watched a movie called The Equinox...A Journey into the Supernatural. It had some nifty stop-motion animation. The scariest part was when the old man screamed.